“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” Proverbs 3:5-6

I’m a broken, sinful man who needs the grace of Jesus more than the air in my lungs.

This verse is a constant reminder to me, and its practices and implications in my life are far reaching. I’m going to attempt to break it down into a few main parts, and if I make any sort of coherent point then it’s this; “do not lean on your own understanding”.

If you know me, you most likely know that I love telling stories. The previous entry to this blog is a story that hasn’t happened and most likely won’t happen, but rather a collection of memories that I pieced together to form a story. Which is really what stories are, a collection of memories. If you do not find storytelling to hold your attention, just go ahead and stop reading as I’ll be wasting your time. This blog is a story of what I’ve learned by attempting to lean on my own understanding, and what a pitfall that really is.

I like to think I’m bright, that I comprehend things well. That I stay informed of current events and topics relevant to my interests and the interests of my friends. God has blessed me this way, and I’m thankful. But like everything else, when exploited this blessing turns into a curse.

Not long ago, while pursuing a woman with whom I have been quite enamored by, I made the assumption that our relationship wasn’t headed in any other direction that a friendship. I wanted more. My dissatisfaction with our relationship at that time, while I knew it needed to be addressed, bred a resentment to this woman. I labeled it as me “getting over her”. As weeks went by I tried to force myself to act as though I wasn’t interested in her, that she has spurned me and it was completely justifiable what I was doing in response. When we came to the agreement that we need to talk, I assumed I knew how that conversation would go.

Here is the problem with all of this, assumptions were made on my part. There are things that we can assume. I can assume that my roommate will help me pay rent, and if not, he can assume he’ll be living elsewhere. That is not a bad assumption, because there is an agreement there. You pay rent, or live elsewhere.

Here is where my problem lies, I make assumptions. Rather than asking questions that will leave me vulnerable to some degree, my pride will assume that I correctly know something. I think its a mixture of fear and insecurity which prevent me from humbling myself to ask hard questions, and in return that produces a hard heart. What’s more, it’s only after that fact that I realize the assumptions I’ve made turn out to largely be untrue.

I made incorrect assumptions with that wonderful woman, and God was great to allow her and use her to humble me. I was more vulnerable that night than I have been in a long time, her words stung because I only then realized my sin. And though resolution didn’t come the way I thought it would that night, there is still much work to be done.

This is just one example from many of my need for grace, and me humbly asking Jesus to expose my sin and seek to put it to death. I am very much a work in progress, as I know we all are. I’m grateful for my Savior to humble me. Friends, do not lean on your own understanding. Trust the Lord with all your heart. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. Not easy, but straight.